ITS TIME TO REPLACE THANKSGIVING

For too long, we have endured. No more.

I mean, look at this bullshit.

Thanksgiving.

Its everyones favorite genocidal holiday.
The Turkey.
Carved to perfection.
The history of my people and our lands.
Carved to perfection.
The pumpkin pie.
And so on.

The truth of this holiday and its past have been debated up and down for years, despite no debate being needed.

And I, personally, am over it.

So, rather than debate and pontificate all the history, I come bearing a gift.
A Giftsgiving, if you will.

We need to change the actual occasion of the holiday, and yet keep the things that so many people like about it.
So, I have the perfect replacement.

Get ready.
I think you guys are really gonna like this one.

We are replacing Thanksgiving with Tedsgiving; A celebration of Ted Bundy’s Birthday.

Look, I already have your mascot: Pilgrim Bundy.

Listen.
I hear you.
I know what you’re thinking.

“TED BUNDY?!!! HOW DARE YOU!!! TED BUNDY WAS A MURDERER, A LONE PSYCHOPATH AND SERIAL KILLER!!!”

And I know, I know.
Its not a fair comparison.

Ted Bundy killed way less people than Thanksgiving did.

How could Ted Bundy ever compare the genocidal maniacs at the first Thanksgiving?
He can’t. Certainly, he was terrible.

But listen.
Its 2022.
Times change.
We need a less genocidal holiday to celebrate.

So.
For your consideration, the Tedsgiving Feast.

“GOBBLE GOBBLE”

You dont even have to change what you do, you can eat turkey and give thanks despite the true nature lying below the surface.
Enjoy, and Happy Tedsgiving.