THE POPE GETS A HEADDRESS

RUMORS CIRCULATE THAT ANDREW JACKSON MAY RECEIVE A POSTHUMOUS HEADDRESS, ALONG WITH THE GUY WHO MADE THE FIRST “SCALPING REWARDS” POSTER.

“I can’t wait to add this to my fancy hat collection,” said the pope, clearly fully understanding what a headdress was.

So.

This happened.
See, the thing is, we are too nice.
Which is why we are in this mess to begin with.
Like I said when I helped that old white dude on the hike.

However, there is a difference between a helping hand and a headdress to a figurehead of the world colonialism organization.
We have some thinking to do, us ndns. Why do we keep thanking the people who kill us when they say something moderately human and tacitely palatable? I am personally tired of thanking people for the scraps from the thanksgiving table. I don’t even like turkey to begin with.

I am trying to make this funny, because ostensibly that’s what I do, but I am livid.
Our children were buried, some lost to us forever, and someone gave the Pope a headdress?
Even that guy looked uncomfortable in it.

Like he looks like he’s literally thinking “I don’t know that this is appropriate.”

“woofta,” said the pope.

I truly feel the only way that would have been appropriate is if it was some sort of mind control device made in a secret ndn lab somewhere.
Maybe someday an ndn agent in deep cover at the papal office is gonna say “stoodis” and the pope’s eyes will go blank and he’ll say “skoden,” and we will all see this was some ndn manchurian candidate situation.
And if that is the case, I do apologize.

However, barring that scenario, I can think of literally a thousand things more appropriate to do. (THEORETICALLY)

Like, don’t go at all for instance.
Spit in his water and call it a traditional blessing.
Scalp him, but only a little. (I should rename this article “How I Ended Up Banned From Vatican City.”)
Someone shoulda stolen his pope hat.
Someone shoulda counted…